Nov. 15, 2013
If you’ve noticed all those chocolate turkeys starting to show up in the grocery story, you must have realized that Thanksgiving is right around the corner.
At this point, you’ve probably already made your plans for Thanksgiving dinner, and there’s no turning back. But if you’re still working on your list, you might want to rethink some of those dinner guests.
True, nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” like having all your loved ones and good friends at your table. But maybe there are some people who just keep coming back like a bad Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade ballon (seriously, it is time to retire Underdog!) who need to go find another Thanksgiving dinner to grace with their presence. If you’re not sure who should get the heave-ho, here are some pointers on who you might not want to have back at your table again this year.
10. The person who brings a couple of bottles of wine to dinner… and then drinks them all.
9. The person who doesn’t eat corn, wheat, nuts, sugar, dairy, meat, fish, poultry, light green vegetables, swiss chard, fried bat, and any food that begins with the letter “c,” and would like you to make sure there is something for them to eat.
8. The person who brings some friends who are in town because “he was sure you wouldn’t mind.”
7. The person who is on a diet and tells you the calorie count and fat content of every dish on the table.
6. The person who is angry at the world and tells everyone Thanksgiving sucks and what do we have to be thankful for because we are all going to die anyway.
5. The person you asked to bring the stuffing who makes a macrobiotic, bread-free, completely taste-free stuffing.
4. The person who insists on making the gravy from scratch and neglects to whisk the flour clumps out.
3. The person who blocked everyone into the driveway with his car and then falls asleep on the couch when everyone wants to leave.
2. The person who asks all the kids to tell the cute, elementary school version of the story of Thanksgiving… and then corrects them with the horrific massacre of Native Americans version.
1. The person who makes the delicious looking gelatin mold and then asks everyone if they’re aware that gelatin comes from horse hooves.
Hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving!
©2013, Beckerman. All rights reserved.
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